I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
by Paul David Hewson (aka Bono)

Funny how your life can change, just like that. This morning, I was writing about some cheery Broadway tune (well actually, it was Stephen Sondheim's Pretty Women from Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street, so it wasn’t really that upbeat). But then, as I was actually walking into a real-live barber shop, I got a call. Paul, the 24-year old son of my friends Jane and Barry, had died. And so today Broadway, even Sondheim, can wait.

He had a great name: first name Paul, middle name Jacob. Two giants of Scripture – one from the Old Testament, one from the New – recognizing the common Lord of his parents. He grew up to be quite a handsome young man. In my mind’s eye, though, I’ll always remember Paul as a four-year old, when he and my daughter came running into the living room during one dinner party to lead all of us adults in “The Care Bear Stare.” He was blessed with a loving father and a loving mother, a loving sister, a loving step-dad and a loving step-mom, not to mention grandparents, uncles, aunts, and friends.

Paul liked lots of different kinds of music. Two of his favorites were by Frank Sinatra and U2. This one is also one of my favorites, and I particularly liked that it was written and performed by another Paul with an Old Testament middle name – an Irishman who goes by the stage name of Bono. I can’t improve on Bono's lyrics, so here they are, straight through.

I have climbed the highest mountains
I have run through the fields
Only to be with you
Only to be with you
I have run I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls
Only to be with you
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come
When all the colors will bleed into one
But yes I'm still running
You broke the bonds
You loosened the chains
You carried the cross
And my shame
And my shame
You know I believe it
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for
But I still haven't found
What I'm looking for

Nothing eases a family’s pain in times like this, but for those of us a little farther back from grief’s epicenter, I find comfort in a couple of things. First, in Paul I saw a sensitive young man who was searching for what was real and true in life. And then the best news: his search is over and it is he – and all of us – who is found. Consider this, from both of Paul’s spiritual heritages. From the prophet Isaiah, “In the Lord, all the descendants of Israel will be found righteous and will exult (Isaiah 45:25).” And from the New Testament, we know of the Good Shepherd who "came to seek and save the lost (Luke 19:10)." Or as we sing in Amazing Grace: “I once was lost, but now am found.” That’s great news for all of us and I hope words of comfort to hearts that are breaking.

Give your kids an extra big hug tonight. Say an extra prayer. And know that the end of all our climbing, running, crawling, scaling, kissing, healing, speaking, holding, and believing is in our finding by the Lord. And for every single moment, from the Garden until right this very instant, the Lord has gone through everything imaginable to find you, “only to be with you.”